Sunday Night and All is Well!

It is Sunday night and While the dizziness is not completely Gone I am not in the Er Like this time last week so I am Grateful. Wayne Has been helping me go through stuff and changing somethings around in the kitchen. So today was not a total Loss. I am so ready to get better . I am going to be on the phone tommorrow to see if Dr patel will give me some more antivert so that i can take it like i am supposed to .

Trust

I trust you in the good times and i trust you in the bad in all that i am going through you are all that i can see.

I looked for you in crowded streets my heart listened for your voice.

In my longing and my fears i almost missed you.

When i am at my weakest and not soaring wild or free

That is when you come along and It is okay stay with me.

Soon I will be strong again i fly as i have before but this time i will wait for you and we will both

soar.

Waiting it is not fun!

Well I am waiting, Waiting for the dizzyness to go away. waiting to here if the disability will be granted. Waiting to see if my 18 year old daughter is going to stay sane or in the first flush of freedom do something she will regret. The thing is all these situations have one thing in common. I can't control the out come it is out of my hands and I hate to wait.

I am bundled up in my chair with ammoco the cat asleep on my feet and I am trying to wrangle my thoughts that are so much quicker than my slow typing. I am considering changing doctors after the disability is done cause it is so hard going to the office there is still that part of me that thinks if they had left me there i would be so much better off but then again this maybe a gift that I have not got the ability to recongnize.

Thinking that perhaps if i can just lay all this out before God maybe he will take it from me once and for all and then i will have a measure of peace, still even though the dizzyness is not gone i am not throwing up and that means so much to me.

The best thing to do?

At this point i have gotten up fed the sweetest horses in the world, had one and 1/2 cups of coffee and my bath. Have swept and picked up a little Just still feel bad can't decide if i want to fix lunch or go back to bed. Will probably fix lunch fiqure out what to make for supper . I feel guilty if i go back to bed Why is that? Tommorrow is Lucy's 18 th birthday I can't believe she is already 18 where did my little toddler girl go? She is a little mad at her mama right now because i am pushing her to stay at school she is in such a hurry to graduate and i think on some levels i remember that feeling. She is on fire to go and do her own thing i just hope she is ready. Wayne is ready for her to venture out of the nest i think he needs me more than lucy does these days . I seem to be doing better i can get wistful in a heartbeat but that is nothing new.

So the dizziness is better still not gone and oh How i wish it was! Still i am grateful that i am not puking my guts out today! I have come to the realization that i must fiqure out a way to study my bible daily. I am still encouraging my friends on facebook and this seems to help people. Writing is helping me to focus on things and is a good outlet instead of over eating. It is cool and sunny today which is lovely. rain expected later in the week. I feel like a baby whinning about vertigo but really i have never had anything like this. I know that there is so many people who are suffering so much more than Me. I think about the folks in haiti I had to turn it off the t.v. cause i just could not watch any more. Wayne was distant last night and i wanted to fret that something is wrong and that he is hiding something from me. He said he is just tired and had a hard day. This is where trusting God and not myself comes in. Things are better here on the compound Just wish i felt better cause i Know i need to be cleaning and doing laundry.

Well it is 6 pm and i have not vomited today amazing how much better i feel. Wayne has gone to the store and lucy has gone to see John. Mama came down today was pleasant and helpful and it was good,Still dizzy but not as much and if i get still and close my eyes it stops. i am sure the meds are helping but my God my Strong tower is best of all, am so hopeful that i will be all better by tommorrow,

Yesterday i woke up and had the fun experience of waking up with Vertigo i am praying that it goes away as fast as it came, i missed the family celebrating Lucy and roberts 18 birthday spent the day in the bed in the bathroom throwing up and thinking i am not ready to die like this, It was really beastly. it culminated in my first ambulance ride to Er, 2 bags of fluids and a small rx of antivert. so here i am day 2 of drunk with nothing to drink, have made it to my chair and have not thrown up yet so i am grateful, will write more Later, was so blessed by wayne he was amazing and so kind, He is a jewel.

So today has been rather Quiet and Nice, it is sunny outside and i am not as stormy inside so that is good. I found a list of the names of God that i found really neat i have to look up the proper way to say them but here they are

1. Elohim when you need God's power to help.

2.El elyon wheb you need the sacredness of the most high god.

3.yahweh when you needthe divine presence of god.

5.El roi When you need the overseer of your own affairs call El rio the god who sees.

Of course this is just a small list there are many more names but isn't wonderful it is a way that God reminds of all he is!

I am so grateful that even though things are far from perfect i am not perfect never was never will be I have a Perfect God to give it all too my tears and my praise/

My Tears And My Praise

My Wounds and Scars are nothing when compared to your's yet you Love me Still.

My Cries they fall on your ears and with everything you could do you chose to her me Still.

My tears you hold in your hands the Hands that made the world.

My praise you hear and reccive it is not that much I bring but my praise of God you are my king and I will give you my tears and my Praise for you alone Control my days and watch over me by

night and day.

Fill me with so many ways that i can Praise you !!