So much going on!

So much is going on I have changed doctors and that was so hard but so neccessary and i have completed a fast that was good brought me closer to the lord, I am waiting to see what is around the corner, still having some issues with my boundaries and not snapping at folks but that will come, following the fast i am going back to the WW program and have started back on PT and taking a quilting class soon, One of my projects is to declutter and make the house nicer, Working on my relationship with Wayne and it is getting better, More later much to do!

This is where i am

This is where i am, physically a little better when i can make myself go into the pool everyday i move a lot better. Emotionally a lot has changed, I am working on issues with my therapist and making some progress and Then of course when you think Hey maybe i am getting where i need to be i End up in the rabbit hole of grief.

Beau my beloved Sheltie of 5 years had been losing wt and after the cruise i took him in at first the Vet thought it was heat related then it was thyroid the appropriate meds were used and proper response noted, this followed by severe nausea and vomiting loose stools. Many test later and along with other meds i thought he had turned the corner only to have him make a drastic change the next morning my vet who is a good and Godly man could only offer iv fluids , Lucy and I bundled him up without delay and headed to Thomasville. My sweet Bear died in my arms i felt him shutter and while i was praying and hoping we turned back to our vet he was dead. So 9 days later my boy is buried in my yard and i miss him so badly. Lucy's puppy Kc
has been a great distraction and he is a sweet german sheppard dog. I know that in respect to the rest of what is going on in our family, Lucy's second semester of college . Wayne teaching as a para pro with special needs kids since he could not get a teaching job . Lucy is working part time but as usual she needs money. I don't know how we will manage but it will be tighter than tight . I am doing better as far as my trust in God a dear friend told me about a sermon that Jentzen Franklin did on God is your door keeper and it so spoke to me about how i have looked at this last year as punishment instead of what it was God protecting me. Not 20 mins after seeing the sermon I learned that some other things had gone on at my old job and it was like Oh I so did not need to be in that mess Thank you Jesus. This week i have a gathering to go to gonna try my hand at baked beans and then it is time to pack for State, Chance is lame and sister will be getting x rays this week we are all praying that it will show a treatable injury something that needs time and is not career ending for this Sweet Good Horse.

My Beau

You are my Beau the sweetest eyes the dearest nose to me you were perfect from your head to your toes.

your corkscrew tail some saw as a flaw it bothered me not all.
Your mind was quick your gait was true it seemed to me that there was nothing you could not do.
The years we shared went by so fast .
I have a few photo's your toy's are still here
Oh how i miss you my dear

I went to your grave though your not really there you have crossed the rainbow bridge.
So play there my dear one run all day long in the sweetest grass and in the coolest of days
I know you will greet me when my journey is done your body restored better than before.

Catch up

So Much has happen I did reccive my disablity and while it will not come close to what i used to earn it will help keep us above water with God's help. I continue to struggle with the physical problems that have in many ways grown worse. Looking for a doctor that will give my botox injections to make my legs less spastic. I don't think the deppression is gone cause i still have trouble sleeping and don't want to leave home much. Had a real bad fall and had a black eye but it is gone now. Have booked a vacation for wayne and I using some of the money Aunt B left us If anyone deserves a get away trip it is wayne.

Still struggling with trying to find a food plan i can follow tried nutrisystem but only lost 3 or 4 pounds and it was too expensive so i cancelled it still have some of the food and am picking at it,
My friend has started Chemo and i am praying for him to endure and find the strength to get through I so wish he would turn to jesus .

catch up

Catching up So much has gone on and Gods hand has been so evident in it. Heard from my friend while he does not mention Jesus or God he did not scold me in my urging . My sweet sister in love Eve had surgery to remove her right kidney and now we are waiting for the pathology to come back from Texas hospital Md anderson. Eve and Fortson seem to be handing it well and growing in spirit and the girls are good. I go see christine in the afternoon and hopefully wayne and i will get our cruise plans settled. I am not going to write much i took a nap and now it is after 2 am so i will try to go back to bed and in the words of Lucy maude montgomery Tommorrow is another day with no mistakes in It!

So For Now

So still no official letter from social security, I am so ready for it to come went to see Christine yesterday she gave me so homework to do . I am working as much as my back will let me on Laundry and cleaning and planning the cruise for Wayne and I . Lucy is counting down the weeks to graduation but i worry for her because she keeps being late for english lit class I hope Wayne can help me figure out what to do. It is Raining I heard from my friend a short note no mention of God just facts but no barbs or mean remarks . I continue to pray for guidance and wisdom i so want him to accept jesus I feel in my heart that he will make it as far as the cancer but i don't want him to lose the eternity that is promised to us all when we accept jesus.

I am grateful for the rain and the sunshine
that you hold my tears in your hands
that simple though i am you love me.

Not the new shiney clean victorious me but the sinner that i was the failure
that i am you make me shiney and new when i let my self get tarnished by my wrong choices you love me then too

Help chose the right path the rough road and trust you all the way
Help to Love others for you today!

Risk

Well I may have done it now only God knows if it will be alright, my friend who has been dx with colon cancer I have struggled most of the day with wanting to ask him to please consider jesus when we worked together we had many discussions about faith. well no matter what i did today the spirit kept on at me and i had to write him . I am just not sure where he is right now and it will either fall on deaf ears or it may cause him not to be my friend which would grieve me so but i could not risk not obeying the spirit, So I jumped that fence I just pray that he will read it in the manner it was meant and that i will still hear from him. I am concerned but i would have been terrified not to tell him that he is loved by the one who made him and that he will be alright but he can have peace if he will just trust in the lord. I hope i did not do the wrong thing Oh God Please let the words be Right,

Sunshine and Shadow

Today has been a sunshine and Shadow day, I learned that a dear friend is facing a fight with colon cancer having had surgery he faces chemo in six weeks. He has a great family is a very smart man and Can afford the best of care. He does not know jesus unless this has changed since he left my area. i wrote him and email back and tried to be funny and encouraging have prayed and called others who love him as well to pray. i have not however encouraged him openly to reconsider jesus and am not sure why my fear for him is what it always was that something would happen to him before he was saved. It seems that i am to Love him now and show care and courage and be ready when the opportunity comes to witness to him. He is alreadywalking miles to get him self as fit as possible he has always been a fit man.

The sunshine is that of an everyday thing that i have a savior who loves me and cares and i can fully trust in him he is not like me not hot and cold he is the same everyday he will take care of my friend and of me and mine!